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BDSM Aftercare

BDSM Aftercare

When talking about BDSM, an important step some people like to leave out is Aftercare. What is it, why is it important and what can you do – all important questions were here to answer! But first, some definitions you should know:

Scene – A scene is mostly known as a BDSM play session. Usually, it includes bondage, submission, dominance, and everything else surrounding BDSM.

Sub/Dom headspace & dropWhen entering a scene, you might enter a sub/dom headspace. While experiencing that headspace, you might feel airy, disconnected from reality, or far away from everything. Your hormones are going wild, your heart is racing and everything feels so much more intense. And once a scene ends, you’re forced to come back to reality. You may feel an emotional or physical low, including being confused, ashamed, or uncomfortable. That feeling of coming off that high is called a sub/dom drop. It may happen right after an intense scene, but for some, it can take up to a few days. Aftercare is there to help with that coming to reality part and make it a better experience. 

Impact Play – BDSM play that includes hitting the body, whether by hand or using whips, paddles, crops, or other items.

Aftercare

BDSM Aftercare may look different for different people, but the main goal is always the same – helping all participants come back to reality and take care of the body. You can look at it like this – if foreplay helps to fire you up, aftercare is there to cool you down. While most prominent in the BDSM scene, it’s something you should also practice after vanilla sex. It’s also important to note that aftercare is important for both partners, no matter if they’re submissive or dominant. 

Before entering a scene, you need to talk to your partner about their aftercare preference. Some people prefer being close, talking, and listening to music while others prefer being alone – if your preferences are different, it’s helpful to come to an agreement. For example, if you enjoy talking about what happened and cuddling, but your partner wants to be alone, you can agree to watch TV for a bit. You can hold hands but stay apart otherwise, this way your partner has their personal space, but you still get some physical contact. Then you can talk for a few minutes, explain what you liked (or didn’t), and finish up. But it’s important to talk to your partner, and find what works best for you. 

So what are some important aftercare steps?

Cleaning up

Right after finishing, you may feel like you’d rather just turn around and go to sleep. But if there’s anything you should make a priority, it’s going to be cleaning. You can take a shower, or keep some wet wipes nearby for quick cleanup. Clean your body, wash your hair, use body scrubs, or take a bath – whatever you need to make you feel good.

Set your toys aside if you don’t want to clean them right away. Make sure to clean them with toy cleaner or boil them, but first, make sure your toys are boiling safe. That usually includes toys made from stainless steel or 100% silicone. 

It’s also recommended to change your sheets or use a bed sheet cover you can quickly remove. You can also light a few candles in the room to freshen the air.

Take care of the body

Now that your body is clean, it’s time to focus on your physical wellbeing. If your scene included bondage, look over any areas that were tied. Apply some cooling Aloe Vera gel on those places, as it helps with bruising and inflammation. Give a gentle massage or do some stretches to get the blood flowing. Make sure nothing hurts too much – wrongly tied bondage can lead to nerve damage. 

If your scene includes impact play, clean any wounds that may have appeared using a proper cleaning solution. You can once again use Aloe Vera gel on the red skin and bruises to help the skin recover.

Giving each other a massage is also a nice way to relax the body. You can do it in silence, enjoy some music, talk, or watch a movie, whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Enjoy your time

Now comes the best part of aftercare – doing whatever you’ve discussed earlier. Cook food together, watch TV, drink a warm drink, eat chocolate, write down your emotions, listen to music or do something else! You can talk about what you did and didn’t like, how you’re feeling or what you’d like to try next time. There’s no wrong way to do BDSM aftercare (aside from skipping it entirely). Enjoy your time and stay safe!

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